Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.
They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. 
God addressed Al first.

"Al, what do you believe in?"
 
Al replied, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and
that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is
used,the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."
God thinks for a second and said "Okay, I can live with that.  Come
and sit at my left."
  
God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?"
  
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think
people should be able to make their own choices about things and that
no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do.  I also
believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a second and says
"Okay, that sounds good.  Come and sit at my right."
 
God then address Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?"
  
Bill Gates said, "I believe you're in my chair."

More Clinton

It was the end of the school year. The teacher had turned in her
grades; there was nothing really for the class to do. All the kids
were restless  and it was near the end of the day. So the teacher
thought of an activity. She said "The first ones to answer
correctly the questions I ask may leave early today."
 
Little Johnny said to himself "Good, I'm smart and I want to get
out here." The teacher asked:"Who said Four Score and Seven
Years Ago'?" But before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said "Abraham
Lincoln?"  The teacher said "That's right, Susie! You may go." Johnny
was mad that Susie had answered first.  The teacher asked "Who
said 'I Have a Dream'?" But before Johnny could open his mouth
Mary said "Martin Luther King!" The teacher said "That's right
Mary; you may go, too. Johnny was even madder than
before. Mary had answered first.
 
The teacher asked "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for
you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy piped: "John
Kennedy!" The teacher said "That's right, Nancy. You may go." Now
 
Johnny was furious! Nancy had answered first. Then the teacher
turned her back, and Johnny muttered:"I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!" The teacher spun around. "WHO SAID THAT?!"
Johnny said "BILL CLINTON. CAN I GO NOW?"
  

A man was carrying two babies, one in each arm while waiting for a train.
Along came this woman who upon seeing the two cute babies started asking
the man, "Aren't they cute, what are their names?"

The man giving the lady an angry look, replied, "I don't know".
The lady asked again, "Which is a boy and which is a girl?"
The man looking angrier than before, replied, "I don't know".
The woman then started to scold the man, "What kind of a father are you?"
 
The man replied "I am not their father, I am just a condom salesman and
these are 2 complaints that I am taking back to my company".

A lady approaches her priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.  I
have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, "Hi, we're prostitutes.  Want to have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your
problem.  Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put
them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the
bible.  My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible
phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship".
"Thanks you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house.
His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.
The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the
female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
 
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims,

"Put the beads away.  Our prayers have been answered!"

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they
decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his  hands.
He then takes off his pants and washes his hands.
The girl watches him and says, "You must be a dentist"

The guy, surprised, says "Yes ... how did you figure that out?"
The girl says, "Easy ... you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.
After they were done, the girl says, "You must be a great dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Yes, I sure am a great
dentist..How did you figure that out?"
 
The girl says, "Easy ... I didn't feel a thing!"

If someone has more nice jokes, I will appreciate if he could eMail it to me.

Last update 25/12/98